How to describe a friendship over time in English (B1): meet or know, used to or would, and first impressions

Describe a relationship in stages: how you met, how you got to know each other, what changed and how you keep in touch now. Use meet for the first encounter and know for the relationship since then: “We met in 2014, and I’ve known her for over ten years.” For then and now, use used to for past habits and states, would only for repeated past actions, and the present simple for today. This B1 (intermediate) topic is for adults who want to describe a friend or colleague precisely.

Who this is for

Intermediate adults who can tell a simple past story but describe people with little more than “friend” and “we talked a lot”.
People who talk about colleagues, flatmates, old classmates or partners in English, at work or socially, and want the phrases a native speaker would choose.
Learners who say “I know him since school” or use would for everything in the past.
Too early: if you still have to think about every past simple form, start with a pre-intermediate then-and-now comparison of school and adult life; this article assumes you can tell a short past story.
Too easy: if you already use these phrases, used to and would without thinking, move on to comparing two moves with the present perfect: experiences and ongoing changes (B1+).

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Word cards

meet · get to know

Meet someone for the first time; gradually learn about their character and life.

Maya met Sal at an evening course and got to know her during a group project.

become friends · get on

Start a friendship; have a friendly, comfortable relationship.

They became friends quickly because they got on well during long train journeys.

have something in common

Share an interest, experience, belief, or characteristic.

They discovered that they had photography and long-distance running in common.

go out together · be together

Date romantically; continue as a romantic couple.

They went out together after the course and were together for nearly two years.

propose · get married

Ask someone to marry you; become legally or formally married.

Arun proposed during a quiet walk, and they got married the following spring.

break up · split up · ex

Break up or split up means end a romantic relationship; afterwards, the former partner may be called an ex.

They split up respectfully, and Jo still occasionally speaks to her ex.

lose touch · get in touch

Stop communicating; contact someone again.

The old flatmates lost touch after moving abroad, then got in touch through a professional network.

keep in touch

Continue communicating despite distance or changing circumstances.

They keep in touch with a monthly video call.

Conversation

narrator A local community survey asked adults what helps friendships survive major life changes.

maya The first result surprised me: regular contact mattered more than frequent contact. People who had one meaningful monthly conversation often felt closer than people who exchanged short messages every day.

owen That makes sense, although daily messages can help during a crisis. What was the second result?

maya Shared activities helped new colleagues become friends because conversation felt less forced. Exercise groups were especially effective, except when competition became too serious.

owen So having something in common opens the door, but it doesn't guarantee that people will get on.

maya Exactly. The final claim was that an honest disagreement can strengthen a friendship. The key was what happened afterwards: people needed to discuss the issue instead of pretending it hadn't happened.

owen I agree, but only if both people listen. Repeated personal criticism can still end a friendship.

Language pattern

How has the relationship changed?

We met as colleagues and became close friends because we had similar working habits. We used to have lunch together every day, but now we live in different cities and keep in touch by video call.

A relationship profile combines stages, reasons, a then-now contrast, and the current situation.

met
got to know
used to
lost touch
got in touch

More practice

Two meetings, two revised impressions

Maya looks at the old Cedar House photograph that arrived at Owen's office, while Owen reads a message on his phone.

Owen first met Tariq in the entrance of Cedar House, the flat they were going to share during their first year of work. Tariq had labelled every kitchen shelf before Owen had unpacked a cup. Owen assumed he would be controlling. That evening, however, Tariq quietly repaired a loose window and left the warmest room for Owen, whose early radio shifts began before the heating came on. Owen reinterpreted the labels as an anxious attempt to make an unfamiliar home work. They became close friends, although opposite schedules later caused arguments. After Owen moved out, each mistook the other’s silence for indifference, and they gradually lost touch.

Twelve years later, a padded envelope arrived at Owen’s office. It contained a photograph of the Cedar House residents and a note from Priya, another former flatmate. Owen assumed Tariq had refused to join her exhibition because his name was absent. A phone call revealed that Tariq had been seriously ill and Priya was waiting for permission to share his details. Owen sent a message acknowledging their old arguments without excusing them. Tariq replied that evening. They did not pretend the missing years had vanished, but agreed to meet at the exhibition and learn who each had become.

Hana first met Luis at a neighbourhood repair workshop. He was silently relabelling every tool drawer, and she read his concentration as coldness. Later, a newcomer struggled to explain a broken lamp. Luis switched into Portuguese, listened patiently, and helped her test each wire. Hana realized that his silence had hidden careful attention rather than dislike. They began running monthly workshops together and got to know each other through ordinary decisions: sharing unpopular jobs, resolving mistakes, and making space for nervous visitors. Months later they started going out together. When Luis proposed two years after that first workshop, Hana remembered how completely one observed action had changed her first impression.

Past and present habits and states

used to + base verb

Use used to for repeated past actions or past states that are no longer true, or are presented as contrasting with now.

Owen used to be impatient, and he used to leave home before sunrise.

didn't use to · Did you use to…?

After did or didn't, write use to in the base form. In normal speech, used to and use to usually sound alike.

Tariq didn't use to complain directly. Did he use to work late?

would + base verb for repeated actions

Would can describe repeated past actions when the past time is already clear. It normally cannot describe past states.

During that year, we would eat together on Sundays, but not ‘We would be flatmates.’

past simple for past facts or bounded periods

Use past simple for completed facts, events, or habits in a finished past period, especially when there is no direct now contrast.

They argued twice in their final month and moved out in June.

present habit: usually + present simple

Use present simple with frequency expressions for current habits.

Maya usually works out on Tuesdays, but she sometimes trains on Saturday.

present state: present simple

Use present simple for states that are true now; common state verbs include be, know, like, have, and live.

Owen knows Tariq's situation now, and they have a more honest relationship.

temporary present: present continuous

Use present continuous for temporary or changing current activity, not a stable state such as know.

They are rebuilding their friendship, but they still live in different cities.

used to / be used to / get used to

Used to + base verb describes a former habit or state. Be used to + noun or gerund means be accustomed to it; get used to + noun or gerund means become accustomed to it. Use not … any more or any longer to state that a former situation has ended.

Owen used to drive, but he does not drive any more; he is now used to cycling in rain.

One relationship across time

How has the relationship changed?

We met as colleagues and became close friends because we had similar working habits. We used to have lunch together every day, but now we live in different cities and keep in touch by video call.

A relationship profile combines stages, reasons, a then-now contrast, and the current situation.

met
got to know
used to
lost touch
got in touch

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Relationship phrases from first meeting to now

Learn them as a timeline, in the order they happen.

Starting: meet, get to know, become friends.
Getting along: get on well (get along is also common), have something in common.
Romance: go out together, propose, get married, break up or split up; a former partner is your ex.
Contact: lose touch, get in touch again, keep in touch. “The old flatmates lost touch after moving abroad, then got in touch through a professional network.”

Meet, know or get to know? Argue or discuss?

Meet is an event: the first encounter. Know is a state: it has no continuous form and takes the present perfect with for or since. Get to know is the slow process between them.

“I met my closest colleague at a training conference.” For a first meeting, meet takes no preposition.
Argue with someone about something is angry: “The flatmates argued with each other about overnight guests.”
Discuss something with someone is calm, with no about: “They discussed the rent increase with their landlord.”

Revising a first impression

Good relationship stories often correct a first impression. The past perfect shows what had happened earlier.

First impression: “At first I thought he was controlling, because he had labelled every kitchen shelf.”
Evidence: “That evening, though, he quietly repaired a loose window and left me the warmest room.”
New view: “Now I see the labels as his way of making a strange flat feel like home.”
Frames: “At first I thought…, but…”, “I hadn’t realized that…”

Used to, would or the past simple?

Used to: past habits and states that have ended. Would: only repeated actions once the time is clear, never states. Past simple: single events, and habits you count or date.

Used to: “I used to be shy with new classmates.” “We used to have lunch together every day.”
Would: “During that year, we would eat together on Sundays.” Not “We would be flatmates.”
Negative and question: “I didn’t use to call my former classmates.” “Did you use to work late?” After did, write use.
Past simple: “They argued twice in their final month and moved out in June.”
Be used to + -ing means “be accustomed to”: “I’m used to cycling in the rain.”

Listen: does something in common make a friendship?

Two colleagues discuss a survey about friendship. Listen for become friends, have something in common and get on.

Then answer aloud: does a shared interest guarantee a friendship? Start with “I agree up to a point, but…”

Maya Shared activities helped new colleagues become friends because conversation felt less forced. Exercise groups were especially effective, except when competition became too serious.

Owen So having something in common opens the door, but it doesn't guarantee that people will get on.

Learn this unit your way

Write a relationship profile in five steps

Write 100–150 words about one real or invented person.

Who: be precise, such as “a former colleague” or “an old flatmate”.
How you met and got to know each other.
What you had in common, and any conflict.
Then and now: used to or would, then the present.
Today: how you keep in touch, or what you expect.
Model: “We met as colleagues and became close friends because we had similar working habits. We used to have lunch together every day, but now we live in different cities and keep in touch by video call.”

Common mistakes

Check your profile for these:

“I know her since 2015.” Say “I’ve known her since 2015.”
“I knew him in 2015” for a first meeting. Say “I met him in 2015.”
“We would be neighbours.” Say “We used to be neighbours.”
“I didn’t used to…” After did, write “I didn’t use to…”
“We discussed about the rent.” Say “We discussed the rent.”

A 10-minute daily practice routine

Use people you really know.

2 minutes: play the conversation and repeat each line.
3 minutes: describe one relationship with five stage phrases, from meet to keep in touch.
3 minutes: three pairs of “We used to…, but now we…”
2 minutes: answer “Can colleagues become real friends?” with a reason and an example.

What comes next

Next, compare two people’s moves with the present perfect, or write a balanced film review at the same level. If your profile generalized about friendship, practise reporting a small study carefully.

Frequently asked questions

What is the difference between meet and know?

Meet is the first encounter; know is the relationship that continues. Say “We met in 2014”, but “I’ve known her since 2014.”

When can you use would instead of used to?

Only for repeated past actions when the time is clear: “At university, we would cook together on Fridays.” For states, use used to: “We used to live next door.”

What is the difference between lose touch and keep in touch?

Keep in touch: you continue to communicate. Lose touch: you gradually stop. Get in touch: you contact someone, often after a gap.